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This week’s focus: Confrontation

This Week’s Focus: Confrontation

Learning to master the skill of handling confrontation is essential for anyone who desires to be an effective leader. Addressing conflict within relationships, and organizations will allow for issues to be addressed in a timely manner and save time, misunderstanding, and the health of the relationship.

Why is confrontation so important?

ConflictConfrontation is important because it reflects how important something is to you. God placed the signal to confront is an indicator that something has happened to someone or something that you care about.

The problem is most people don’t know how to deal with conflict constructively! When most people see the word “confront”, they tend to see it through the lens of their past experiences of how they saw other people handle conflict.

The biggest influence in how people confront is what they see in their family of origin. If a talk about money turned into a verbal assignation of character, then most likely that person will find themselves doing one of two things: using the same tactics when confronting or being confronted, or they will avoid confrontation by any means necessary.

Think about that for a minute.

How comfortable do you feel confronting an issue with someone? If you are like most people, you may find some discomfort in it because you may not want to turn a conversation about “who left the lights on” into a fight.

So what’s the solution? Should we avoid confrontation because it’s uncomfortable, and the conversation could turn into something that we really don’t want?

Let’s think of the consequences. What could happen if you don’t confront a situation? Will you be happy? How long will walking around the pink elephant be productive in the relationship? What could be lost or damaged if you don’t confront the issue?

This week let’s focus on 8 steps to handling confrontation which can help you build a deeper bond with those you love.

Here are 8 elements of dealing with confrontation from my friend Dr. John Townsend:

  1. Take the “for stance”. Remember grace should always come before truth. This is especially needed when you are building the bond of trust with someone. They need to know that you are “for” them, and the reason why you are addressing the issue is because you truly care for them, and your relationship.
  2. State the problem. If you can, write down the specific issues with and refer to dates and times. This allows the conversation to stay on track, and it not turn into a “That’s your opinion” argument.
  3. Own your part. 99% of all issues involves more than one person. It doesn’t matter how much or how little your role was…OWN IT! Find something to own in the conversation, “I wasn’t clear in sharing this…”, “I avoided this…”, or “I didn’t nip this in the bud in the beginning.” Realize that if a person feel it is 100% their problem, it will tend to cause people to push back and get defensive.
  4. Hear their side/deal with diversion. Everyone needs their day in court. Take a moment and ask them, “Let me hear your side in this.” There may be information that you need to know. It is during this step that people can start taking you down a rabbit trail to get off topic, and blaming the world for their issue. If this happens, Dr. Townsend recommends that you listen for 3 minutes and then say these 5 words, “Now let’s get back to…” That gives them a chance to speak, but you are able to stay on track with the addressing the issue.
  5. Request. Ask for the necessary behavior change and ask to check in within 30 days to see how things are going.
  6. Consequences (if needed). Consequences should only be considered if the person appears unwilling to make a change. If the person truly values the relationship, consequences shouldn’t be needed.
  7. Reiterate the “for” stance. Tell them again that you are “for” them, and want things to work and get better. It reiterates you heart and the reason why you had the conversation in the first place.
  8. Check back in 1-24 hours. Probable the most important step is to check back in afterwards. This allows you the opportunity to see how they are doing, and if you are on the same page. Ask the how it went for them, and if they need anything.

Visit www.freddiescott.org to connect with Freddie.

SPEAK UP: Share your thoughts on the post and how you deal with conflict with the M46 Community or on our Facebook page.

This week’s focus: Trust

This week’s focus: Trust

New York Times best selling author, Stephen Covey is quoted saying, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

This week let’s focus on this vital aspect of relationships and how to establish and maintain trust in our relationships.

The bible talks a lot about trust. Here is what David said about it, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” (Psalms 56:3). See, even our faith is the result of our trust.

Why is trust so important?

Trust quote
Trust quote

Trust is important because your relationships cannot surpass the depth of trust that you have established. It doesn’t matter what potential that person has, or even what they would like to do for you, or what you would like to do for them. People will only experience other people based on the depth of trust that has been established with them.

Simply put, you can’t have meaningful, honest, heart-felt relationships without trust.

Though we understand how important trust is, and value it as essential to our relationships, people still struggle with either trusting people, or being able to regain the trust of others. Both are essential to having healthy relationships.

Some people have a difficult time trusting others because of past experiences and a fear of something bad happening again. Others may have been the one to make mistakes in the past and it has changed the way they view themselves, and how others view them. It’s hard to rebuild trust, if you struggle with believing in yourself, or are constantly reminded of the mistakes of the past.

This week let’s focus on 3 keys to building trust which can help you build a deeper bond with those you love.

Here are 3 Ways to build trust:

Be consistent. Lincoln Chafee said it best, “Trust is built with consistency.” I remember my receiver coach telling me the secret to having a career in the NFL. He said, “If you want to make it here, you have to catch every pass you are supposed to catch, and half of the ones you aren’t supposed to catch.”

What he was saying is that if I wanted to make it, I had to prove myself consistent in doing things the right way all the time. He couldn’t put his full trust in me if I ran the right route on plays only 80% of the time. I had to prove that I would be in the right place, at the right time, all the time.

The same holds true in life. Our consistency is what gives people proof that we can be trusted to do the right thing.

Know your relational balance. Knowing your relational balance has to do with the analogy of looking at your relationship like your bank account. You had a beginning balance from your initial deposit. And then you get frequent statements of your account balance based on your deposits and withdrawals. When building relationships, it’s important to know what your relationship balance is.

Every relationship started with a beginning balance of time and energy that you deposited in it. And everyday you make transactions based on what you do or say that is either adding to the account balance, or withdrawing from it.

Some of you may find that the balance has a negative balance! If so, remember that everyday you are incurring an additional NSF charge to your relationship. You can tell this if you are constantly reminded of past mistakes, and it seems like nothing you do is enough. So you will have to work even harder to get your relationship to a positive balance, and then build from there.

Commit long-term. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your relationship. Anything worth having will take time to build correctly. Commit to the vision of what you are building for. When the vision of what you really want becomes more real than the current status of your relationship, you will see progress…over time. Enjoy the journey, and all the things that you learn about yourself and those you love in the process.

Visit www.freddiescott.org to connect with Freddie.

SPEAK UP: Share your thoughts on the post and how you will build trust with the M46 Community or on our Facebook page.

This week’s focus: What can you give?

This week’s focus: What can you give?

I hope you are having a wonderful day, and are encouraged by the journey of becoming the best version of yourself that you can be! This week we want to talk about what you can give in maintaining healthy relationships.

Martin Luther once said, “Let the wife make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”

Wow! What if every relationship had this as its norm! This quote highlights a key characteristic that is found in most healthy relationships. This characteristic is so important, that not having it is usually the starting point for resentment, frustration, and can even lead to divorce.

The characteristic that must be the focus of each person in the relationship is focusing on answering this one question: “What can I give the person I love?” Rather than, “What am I getting from the person I love?”

When people are focused on what they are getting in the relationship rather than what they can give, things become transactional. “I will do this IF you do this”, or “You didn’t do this, so I’m not doing this.” When relationships develop a culture of being transactional, and people only do things when the other person makes them happy, it can quickly turn into manipulation, rather than a relationship of unconditional love.

Give1 Corinthians 13:5 reminds us that love “doesn’t seek her own, is not easily provoked, and thinks no evil” towards the other person. By focusing solely on what I can give the person I love, rather than focusing on what I am getting from that person, I put myself in position to no longer need their actions, or words to initiate my love towards them.

This is much easier said than done. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. It requires focus and intentionality.

Here are 3 keys to help you stay in the giving mindset in your relationship from Freddie:

  1. Key #1 – “Remind yourself of how much they mean to you.”

In life we can tend to forget how much people really mean to us. We can tend to allow our familiarity with the person to cloud our ability to remember just how much of a vital role they play in our lives. Taking a moment to remember how much someone means to you allows you to pause, take a step back, and remember the love you have. And why you decided to start a relationship with them in the first place! It shouldn’t take long to remember just how special they are to you. This is where you find the love, passion, and fuel to be creative in finding ways to love.

  1. Question #2 – “What can happen when I love them unconditionally?”

The reason why most people fail to love unconditionally is because of a fear of rejection. The thought of “What will happen if I love them, and they don’t love me in return?” “What if I give them what they need, and they never give me what I need?” See, those are fear-based positions thinking of only the negative of the person, and of only a negative outcome.

Now take a minute to reverse that. Scripture also says “Love NEVER fails…” (1 Corinthians 13:8). What would happen to the culture of your relationship if you set the tone and showered your spouse with love? How would that make them feel? Don’t you think that when someone knows that they are being loved unconditionally, and without a hidden agenda that they will respond? When you give someone a love that says, “I am for you, and I will always be here for you.” They will naturally want to reciprocate that love.

If they are struggling with reciprocation, then you may need to be mindful of this last key.

  1. Question #3 – “What needs do they have that I need to be mindful and supportive of?”

Everyone has a story. Some of our stories are wonderful, while many of us have experienced tremendous adversity and challenges. Knowing the story of the one you love will help you understand their capacity to receive and reciprocate love. If a person has a past that includes abandonment, rejection, or abuse, it may be more of a challenge to get them to a place of health to trust the intent of your love for them because they are processing your love through the lens of their past experience.

This is something we all do. If we have been hurt in the past, we tend to put safeguards up to ensure we never experience that pain again. Taking the time to understand the past of your spouse will let you know that you will also need to be patient in this process to allow them to be healed from past wounds. Your consistent, unconditional love will be the very thing they need to heal from the adversity from their past!

Visit www.freddiescott.org to connect with Freddie.

SPEAK UP: Share your thoughts on the post and what you can give with the M46 Community or on our Facebook page.

This week’s focus: Why Resolutions Fail

This week’s focus: Why Resolutions Fail

Every year people make resolutions based on their assessment of where they are in their personal life, relationships, and their careers.  And though you may start out well intended, you may find yourself not seeing the results that you intended when you initially started.

There are numerous things that factor into whether or not you will be able to be successful at accomplishing your goals, which I addressed in my series New Year, New You on freddiescott.org. But there is one major thing that people tend to forget that we want to talk about today. The one thing that is the reason why most resolutions fail…and it’s because you don’t incorporate a change of behavior with it.

resolutions2_crop380w
Keys to accomplishing your resolution

The decision alone isn’t enough to make a change. For some of you, the things that you want changed are things that have been an embedded behavior for years. The culture of your marriage and relationships, habits of how you spend your free time that take away from time with family, working out and losing weight, or starting that new business all requires time dedicated to it.

Until you master changing the behavior that got you where you are today, and incorporating new behaviors that will take in the direction of where you really want to go, you will not see the success with your resolution.

Behavior is so important that research indicates that 80% of information that you receive will be forgotten if it’s not acted on in some way within 30-60 days. When I say forgotten, I don’t mean it’s a distant memory. Research shows that the information is wiped from the hard drive of your brain and erased completely!

If you want to accomplish your goals, you must find a way to change what you are doing.

Here are 3 Ways to change your behavior from our Founder, Freddie Scott II:

Be intentional. Scripture encourages us to let our “yes be yes, and our no be no” (James 5:12). If you are going to make a change in your behavior you have to commit to it 100%! Anything less than that shows that the goal you set is something that would be nice if it happened, but not a resolution that you have made the decision to make happen.

If you want a marriage that’s full of love and support, be intentional in modeling that and only saying and doing things that reflect the decision, not the current culture. If you want to lose weight and be more active, ask yourself “How bad do I really want this?” If your goal isn’t important enough to integrate intentionality, then it’s really not that important to you. The more important a goal is to you, the more likely you will be to initiate a behavior change.

Set reminders and triggers. Because some of the issues we want results in are a part of either a lifetime of habits that we have, or a part of a dysfunctional culture that we may be a part of, setting reminders and triggers are a great way to bring your goal to mind. In life, we all have a rhythm or pattern to what we do and how we do it. Whether it’s which side of the bed you sleep on, how you brush your teeth, your route to go to work, or how you organize your closet, we all have a pattern.

In order to accomplish your resolutions, you may need to set reminders or create triggers in order to help you break any patterns that will make it difficult for you to accomplish your goal. If you like to stop at your favorite fast food restaurant after work to treat yourself after a hard day at work, but you have a goal of losing weight, you will need to create a new trigger to reward yourself. If you tend to get in the doghouse for not giving yourself enough time to make your wife’s birthday, or anniversary special, you may need to set a trigger in your calendar to remind you to make a reservation at her favorite restaurant a couple months ahead of time.

Walking through the front door of your house could serve as a trigger for you! Be creative in setting reminders and creating triggers so you give yourself the best chance of accomplishing your goals.

Establish accountability. It’s been said that accountability is the “actions toward or involving others that reflect the integrity of the person you want to be.” If you are really serious about accomplishing your goals, you will ask someone to hold you accountable for the goals that you have set. People that aren’t willing to ask people to hold them accountable are most likely not serious about accomplishing the task.

The reason why accountability is so important is because at some point you will need help, support, and forgiveness. Your accountability partner will help to keep you on track and moving forward. You will need someone who is for you, believes in you, and will tell you the truth to help you on your path to accomplish your resolutions. Without the support of others, you are less likely to be successful.

Visit www.freddiescott.org to connect with Freddie.

SPEAK UP: Share your thoughts on the post and how you will accomplish your resolutions this year with the M46 Community or on our Facebook page.

 

This week’s focus: Confidence

This Week’s Focus: Confidence

I love what Hebrews 10:35 tells us about confidence, “Cast not away your confidence, which has great recompence of reward.” The amplified translation says, “Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward.”

Wow! Think about that for a moment.

Confidence carries with it a glorious compensation! All we have to do is to not throw it away in the face of adversity.

As easy as that may sound, it is a lot easier said than done. Especially when the stakes are high, and the obstacles appear insurmountable.

Our capacity to maintain our confidence is embedded in our upbringing as a child, and the affirmation we may or may not have had the chance to experience in life.

This is why parents, mentors and coaches are so important in children’s lives. They are the ones who should be cultivating confidence in the heart’s and minds of children.

Coach Joe D'Angelo giving a halftime pep-talk. Freddie (#23) taking it in on the back row.
Coach Joe D’Angelo giving a halftime pep-talk. Freddie (#23) taking it in on the back row.

I’m so appreciative of my high school football coach, Joe D’Angelo (Coach D), who had more confidence in my ability as a football player, than I did in myself. And who constantly put me in position to experience success until I believed that I was as good as he thought.

I developed confidence in his confidence in me.

Just because you may be gifted in an area, doesn’t mean that you are automatically confident to do it. Many people find themselves stuck, or paralyzed at key moments, or find that they are constantly second guessing themselves.

As a leader, you can’t afford to cast away your confidence. And you have the responsibility to cultivate confidence in those you lead.

Here are 3 keys to help you walk with confidence.

No Negative Self-Talk. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” How you perceive yourself will determine everything. Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you can’t…you’re right.” If you struggle with negative self-talk, ask yourself where do the negative thoughts come from? Who told you that you won’t succeed? Many times people that we love or that we look up to have said or done things that have caused us to doubt ourselves. I encourage you to take a step back, and assess who are the people in your life that are adding life and value into you, versus the people in your life that are draining life out of you. We all need people that will love us unconditionally, and will infuse us with confidence when we need it.

Never accept the thought of defeat. “Failure begins the moment the thought of failure is acceptable.” Remember, it’s difficult overcome your thought life! I remember talking to a NFL cornerback who played signed with the Browns this year, but had spent his career in Green Bay previously. We talked about the difference between the two teams, and there was one thing that he said stood out that made the difference in winning or losing. It was confidence! He said when he was in Green Bay, if the other team scored, the team wouldn’t back down to the challenge and believed they would find a way to win. He said the Browns were still learning how overcome the thoughts of, “Oh, here we go again”, when faced with adversity in the game.

How do you handle adversity? Do you find yourself giving in at the first sign of adversity? Or do you have a focus that though you may not win every time, you are not going to quit…EVER?

Trust the training. Coach Marvin Lewis from the Cincinnati Bengals is quoted saying, “No man fears that which he knows he does well.” This is so true! Do you know of any good auto mechanics who get scared when someone brings them a car to fix…or a doctor or a nurse who is scared to treat a patient…how about a coach who is scared to call a play during a game? Of course not! They know that their preparation and training will assist them in making decisions in the heat of the moment.

The problem comes if there is no training to rely on. This is why M46 Project exists! To help give you tools and skills to trust in the heat of the moment when leading your family.

The training gives you the spiritual, emotional, and physical stamina to endure. Trust the training, and stay confident!

About M46 Project

M46 Project exists to empower men with the tools to be better husbands, fathers, and mentors. That mission is being fulfilled everyday through the programs campaign for men to pledge to:

  • once a month watch our video and use our discussion cards to engage their children,
  • once a week read our blog, or watch Freddie’s Think Like a Champion video coaching series, and
  • once a day walk it out with our 30-Day Devotional and daily engagement.

Click here for more on how your church can partner, or for information on FREE INDIVIDUAL MEMBERSHIP, please visit www.m46project.com.

This week’s focus: Want vs.

This Week’s Focus: Your Want vs. Your Will

success, leadership, goal settingI’d like to wish you a Happy New Year and pray you accomplish all of the goals that you have set out for the year. I truly believe that anything is possible this year as you walk with purpose and intentionality this year.

If you are like me, you have a list of goals that you want to accomplish both personally and professionally. And when it comes to accomplishing goals, I’ve discovered one thing that is usually not considered when goal-setting that can be the difference in whether or not you actually accomplish them.

The missing piece is not your desire, or “want” for something. We all want a happy marriage, be better parents or mentors, have better health, make more money, and to be better leaders. The missing piece is your will to actually accomplish it.

Legendary coach Vince Lombardi said, “There is only one way to succeed at anything, and that is to give it everything.” Most goals that mean anything are going to test your will and how bad you really want it.

There is a great passage in scripture that talks about this in Isaiah 1:19, “If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good of the land.” Accomplishing goals, or “eating the good of the land” will only happen when you are willing to do what is required.

Another way of saying it is this…Success happens when the desire to succeed is greater than the sacrifice required.

Here are some questions to help you assess your will power:

  1. Question #1 – “How bad to I really want or need this.”

You have to assess how important the goal is to you. Rate its importance on a scale of 1-10, and be honest with yourself with how bad you really want it. Is this something that is like an itch that has to be scratched? Do you dream about this?

  1. Question #2 – “What will happen when I accomplish this goal?”

You have to have a clear vision in your mind with what the outcome will look like. Envision the impact on yourself, your marriage, your children, or your business. If the vision lights a fuel inside you, then that’s a great indicator of the passion inside you to accomplish the goal. If there isn’t a lot of passion, it may be more difficult to see it through.

  1. Question #3 – “What habits do I need to change in order to accomplish my goals?”

We are all creatures of habit. In order for you to accomplish your goals, you will probably need to make some adjustments with how your do things. Look at what your do, and how you do things to determine what (if any) habits need to be broken because they are preventing you from accomplishing your goals.

  1. Question #4 – “Who can help me accomplish my goal?”

I love this passage in Proverbs 15:22 that says, “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.” Many times our problem come from not asking someone for help. Don’t allow your pride to keep you from asking for help. There is probably someone who has already done what you desire to do. As my good friend Michael Smith says, “Let someone else’s hindsight be your foresight.”

  1. Question #5 – “Who will hold me accountable for accomplishing my goals.”

An accountability partner is just as important as asking for help. I suggest that your accountability partner be someone other than the person you are asking for help from. This gives you an additional relationship to help reinforce your decision to accomplish your goal, as well as support you in reaching out for help when you need it.

This is what we do with the team at M46 Project, and I’d like to strongly encourage you to assess your Will Power with these five questions.

You’ll find that it makes a difference.

To connect with and get more tips from our founder visit www.freddiescott.org.

About M46 Project

M46 Project exists to empower men with the tools to be better husbands, fathers, and mentors. That mission is being fulfilled everyday through the programs campaign for men to pledge to:

  • once a month watch our video and use our discussion cards to engage their children,
  • once a week read our blog, or watch Freddie’s Think Like a Champion video coaching series, and
  • once a day walk it out with our 30-Day Devotional and daily engagement.

Click here for more on how your church can partner, or for information on FREE INDIVIDUAL MEMBERSHIP, please visit www.m46project.com.

This week’s focus: Creating Stretch Goals

This Week’s Focus: Creating Stretch Goals

Hello friends,

We are excited about your commitment to maximize your influence on those you lead!

One of the most important things any leader can do is to create a stretch goal. But before talking about what a stretch goal is, here is a little history on how stretch goals have been used in the past…

On Thursday, May 25, 1961, President John F. Kennedy in a speech before a Joint Session of Congress announced an ambitious goal of sending an American safely to the Moon before the end of the decade. President Kennedy made the announcement while feeling the pressure to have the United States catch up to and overtake the Soviet Union in the “space race.”

What many people fail to remember about why this announcement is so remarkable is the fact that the technology required to accomplish the goal wasn’t even invented yet! That’s right! President Kennedy set a goal that was so far out there, that it required scientists, engineers, and researchers to think in ways they have never thought of before to create the technology to accomplish the goal set by the President. The fact that the technology hadn’t been invented didn’t deter the President from setting such an ambitious goal.

That’s the power of stretch goals. Stretch goals require you to think outside the box to accomplish a goal that it requires you to think creatively about how to accomplish it even though you have never done it before. Stretch goals are not limited by what you know, or have experienced in the past. The only limitation to a stretch goal is your capacity to dream.

Here are 3 keys to help you push past your barriers and create stretch goals from our founder Freddie Scott.

The Dad I Wish I Had

“Our Nation cannot, will not, endure without a strong family unit at its core. Mr. Scott, with undeniable facts, points this out and uses his book as a teaching tool for all of us who have, or had, absentee fathers. It is easy for us today to absolve ourselves of our responsibilities, the state is more than willing to help. But the state, nor mothers alone, can provide the nurturing and teaching that is a father’s responsibility. This book explains how young people, both boys and girls, need not be shackled by the hurt of a missing dad. It teaches us forgiveness and how to break the cycle of irresponsibility, and how to “BE” the Dad we wish we had.”

— Robert Karo, from Amazon

What It Takes to Win in Your Profession AND Your Parenting

Fatherhood Tips from Tony Stewart, Former NFL Tight End, Nonprofit Leader and Motivational Speaker

About Tony

Family Life: Married (12 years) with four kids, ages 4, 6, 8 and 10. Three boys, one girl.

NFL Career: Former tight end for the Philadelphia Eagles, Cincinnati Bengals and Oakland Raiders

What He’s Doing Now: Founded and leads a nonprofit called Beyond the Locker, which teaches life skills and self discovery to youth and athletes through unique sports experiences.


Tony Stewart was born in Germany and raised outside of Philadelphia, PA. As the son of a military officer, he learned the virtues of hard work, preparation and perseverance at a young age. These traits served him well during a nine-year NFL career. They have been just as handy in his post-football life as well.

Tony now runs a nonprofit called Beyond the Locker, which teaches life skills and self-discovery to youth and athletes through unique sports experiences. He is also a sought-after motivational speaker, sharing advice and best practices for achieving success in high-stress situations and doing what it takes to be a true professional.

“Be prepared. Be responsible. And seize the right opportunities when they come,” he says. “That’s what being a pro means.”

As it turns out, the keys to developing into an all-pro hold true whether you’re an NFL athlete, a VIP business executive or a dad.

The M4:6 team recently caught up with Tony to get his advice for fathers who want to do more, based on his experiences with youth and his approach with his own family. Here’s what he had to say…

Find Balance and Seek Adventure    

When Tony isn’t busy helping people find their pathway to success, he’s likely flipping pancakes and planning the next Stewart family adventure with his wife and four children.

Tony and his family strive for a balance between daily responsibility and adventure. They make sure to spend time together exploring and breaking the daily routine. Your next great adventure doesn’t require grandiose planning though. You can keep it small, like taking a hike at a local park, or a day trip to experience something new outside your community. The important thing, Tony says, is the act of being adventurous and creating opportunities to bond as a family.

Get to Know What Makes Kids Tick

Tony has worked with youth across all demographics, including juvenile hall residents, low-income communities and high-performing schools. No matter where he travels, there are three common characteristics he sees in the kids he serves.

  1. All kids want to be heard. They want someone to show them attention and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
  1. No matter what they’ve been through, on the inside there is still a kid that wants to laugh and play and have fun. It doesn’t matter what responsibilities they’ve had to take on, what tragedies they’ve had to overcome or what specific circumstance they are in.
  1. They want to be challenged. Too many parents, teachers and other authority figures forget that, or are afraid to really challenge their children. But kids want it, and they respond well to it.

Understanding these three characteristics can help you more effectively engage your kids on a regular basis in a way that builds bridges and mends fences.

Understand What It Takes to Win

Being a father is a lot like being a head football coach, Tony says. A head coach is ultimately responsible for getting wins, but achieving success requires lots of different jobs to be done. The head coach has to motivate the team, help all the players understand their roles and set each player up for success. He has to set the vision, course and direction for the team. He has to ensure a positive pulse for the team in the locker room and on the field. As a dad, you have a lot of things to consider. Luckily, you can take heart in Tony’s fourth and final tip.

 

You Don’t Know It All, and That’s Ok.

According to Tony, being a father doesn’t mean you have all the answers. You need to be humble enough to seek counsel when you need help. You are going to make mistakes. Fatherhood, he says, is about being present and authentic.

“A lot of dads beat themselves up, and they feel like they aren’t doing enough,” Tony says. “You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, or expect yourself to be perfect. What’s most important is that you make the time you have with your children count by really being attentive and intentional with every moment.”

M46 Overview: First Things 1st

In math, there is a concept called “commutative.”  It means that it doesn’t matter what order you perform the task.  Whether it is A + B or B + A, you get the same answer.  In life as it is in math, not every process is commutative.  Sometimes, it matters the order you must do things.  And some times, it is very important for success to have taken the right First step.

As we welcome a new year, we will focus on what are some of the first things that God wants us to put 1st in our heart because He cares for us and wants to prepare us for success.